Poma wrote: ↑12 Feb 2022, 22:43 if you're secretly enjoying whatever punishment your partner's dishing out (again, keeping it consensual of course), then who's really in control?

When I started this troubled me a lot. If the other liked being spanked... is spanking a punishment?

Don't have an answer but I like to think that at least I get to choose what "punishment" I will enjoy delivering

When talking about masochism (or humiliation/degradation) as a kink/fantasy/etc. it's all about experiencing it in a safe and consensual environment. Speaking from personal experience, I actually find it freeing and even empowering to experience the sensations of pain, or the feeling of being humiliated, in an environment that doesn't have any of the real negative consequences that would normally be associated with those acts.

I don't think of it as reinforcing a negative trait/desire/worldview, it's more taking control by giving up control and playing within a space that removes the negative aspects, if that makes sense. When you're talking power play, if you're secretly enjoying whatever punishment your partner's dishing out (again, keeping it consensual of course), then who's really in control?

And I'd echo what Rothaon said: liking humiliation doesn't make you less of a person! I'd encourage anyone into humiliation/degradation to even take some pride in it! Personally I find that I feel good by making other people feel good, and there's a lot of great kinks that let me explore that. Humiliation's a great way to feel like I'm there for someone else's enjoyment, so then I'm feeling great. Win-win situation.

And that all doesn't even get into the physical sensation aspects of masochism. In the right context, being spanked can feel pleasurable, and be as much a reward as a punishment

I think you are just mixing a lot of stuff that often appear together but don't always do.

Someone being a sadist, liking inflicting pain, isn't necesarily a sexual thing. And same goes for masochists.

Secondly, liking humilliation doesn't make you less of a person. The same way that humilliating someone doesn't make you a worse person.
With consent ofc. Same goes for any other kink.

I am not sure if hanging yourself lies in the field of masochism, but it is probably a common ( and very bad ) way to engage in breath play. Common becuause it is probably the easier way you can think of allong with plastic bags.

And furthermore, even if you are engaged in a power exchange relationship, doesn't imply that any of these are be present. It is easy to think about a D/s relationship without humiliation involved. And same can be done with any other kink.

I believe this to be a bit of a faux pas but none of the forums I have asked this on previously have given an adequate answer so I'm still unsatisified so to speak

what in the world is up with masochism
It makes perfect sense in my mind, why sadism can be deemed sexually pleasurable --namely its a power play, you can exercise control and illicit obedience and therefor respect from your sexual partner, makes total sense-- but then why do people (me included) derive pleasure from being treated as far less than we are? If sadism inflates a person then masochism would deflate a person yes? I guess you could point to something like an eodipal complex and propose the argument that some people just want to give up control. Sometimes I want to be the little spoon right? But then how do you explain the fact that people tie belts to the ceiling and hang themselves just to get off, or explain the existence/popularity of humiliation porn.
This is deeper than spankings, it HAS to be deeper than that. My current working theory is that when a person develops a worldview that they are weak and dumb and unattractive and overall undesirable, the whole love making deal doesnt really click, because your actions don't match with the deepest of your core beliefs (that you are a piece of shit)
So then when someone playfully/consensually treats you like a piece of shit in the process of lovemaking its like YES! FINALLY! everything clicks, everything makes sense, you slip into a state of cognitive ease (where addiction develops at an accelerated rate interestingly enough)

second option has to do with tendency to fantasize in what has been described as a "feminine" manner. To imagine that you are belle and you need to socialize/tame the vicious beast that you consensually "confront". I think they talk about this in the book "a billion wicked thoughts" but I can't remember its been years since i read it

Spitball. I know that im not the only one who wants to know why masochism is a thing